How I would moderate an independent focus group

This is just a pretend skit I wanted to introduce. Yes, I can be a real sum' bitch sometimes. I just can't get over how people in these focus groups on CNN take themselves seriously and are that indecisive. There's such a barage of information out there that by this point, these people clearly must not invest too much into. Here's how it would unfold:

Wolf Blitzer: Alright, I see we have P.J. standing by with a group of undecided, independent voters in Columbus, OH. We're all interested to hear what they thought of the candidates' performances at the debate tonight.

P.J.: Wolfman, I'll take it from here. When are you going to have a makeover from that Grizzly Adams appearance? And what's with this dull tone in your voice? Come on, Wolfman. This is another historic moment in our history. (yell) Get jacked up!

(pause)

P.J.: O.k. How many of you have just crawled out from under a rock or used a hose to wash out all the gunk you had on you from camping out deep in a forest? O.k. I see several hands raised. That's not surprising with all the blank expressions I'm seeing on your faces. Let me turn over to this woman I see here to get her reaction. What's your name?

Woman: Jane.

P.J.: Jane, we're all waiting. What issues grabbed your attention the most and who do you feel delivered the best on those issues for you?

Jane: I was real impressed when McCain said we have to send our troops home after they've achieved victory in Iraq.

(long pause as I scratch my head)

P.J.: That's it, Jane?

Jane: That's what struck me the most tonight, yes.

P.J.: Well, Jane you haven't been paying much attention, have you?

Jane: Yes, I've been reading the newspapers each day.

P.J.: That's not what my team of investigators have revealed to me. With surveillance cameras, you spend several hours a day looking out your living room window. So, this tells me you haven't been paying attention.

Jane: So, I wait for the UPS man to arrive. I love his smile, his physique...

P.J.: Well, Jane. Maybe, you should spend a little more time brushing up on your current events and a little less time thinking about boning your UPS man.

(She presses her hands to her face and begins sobbing)

P.J.: O.k. I see another hand raised. What's your name, sir?

Man: Frank.

P.J.: Frank, what did you think about tonight's debate.

Frank: I think Obama did a good job explaining how he'll lower taxes for 95 percent of Americans.

P.J.: And you're just now learning about this Frank?

Frank: Yes.

P.J.: Frank, perhaps if you spent a little less time at Burger King stuffing your face with Whoppers and a little more time reading up on these candidates, you'd learn this is something Obama has talked about for months. (Frank tries to interject). Before you go any further and I cut your mic off, I want you to do the truffle shuffle for us.

Frank: I don't know what that is.

P.J.: Of course you don't Frank. You don't know about a lot of things. Let me demonstrate for you. (Lift my shirt up, juggle what cellulite I might have, and complement it with gurgling sounds). Now, do it.

(Frank could be heard at a much higher pitch).

P.J.: Alright. I've had enough of this. Can anyone tell me a fundamental difference in policy positions between Obama and McCain?

Unidentified woman: Obama will raise our taxes.

P.J.: You crawled out from under a rock before you came here, didn't you? Let me shake some sense into you madam. (place the woman in a headlock and apply a noogie to her forehead). Alright. I think these voters have spoken. Back to you Wolf.

(Speechless Wolf for a few moments)

Wolf: Alright, let's now hear from the best political team on television....

My CD player still isn't working, but there were a few good songs played in a row today before Three Days Grace who are given less than three seconds by me. This is a song by arguably the greatest rock vocalist of all-time. His pitch is so high that he has been known to blow out microphones when performing live. Here's one of my favorites from this guy out of all the groups he's played in or his solo projects. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsPZpUQJc0M&feature=related